Fool me once...
by Ed Owens

I've mentioned my affinity for all things Bond elsewhere in these hallowed pages, and mention it now only because it helps to explain why I liked the first Austin Powers film. Despite its flaws, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery played more like a continuation of earlier spy spoofs (like the far superior Flint series with James Coburn). Meyers and company hit on many of the absurdities that make the Bond films silly, but their jabs seemed motivated by an appreciation of and familiarity with the source material, a loving sendup that paid its respects to the original through parody.

Then came the sequel. Gone was the sense of loving homage, replaced, as it was, by gross-out humor and seemingly random bits that far outstayed what little humor they may have had in the first place (see Devin's review for more on the sequel). Add to this the fact that many of the sequel's setpieces were recycled from the original, and you've got a film that is barely watchable. While the first film had me laughing so hard that I cried, the second film barely made me crack a smile.

That put the third film, Austin Powers in Goldmember, in make or break territory. As I bought my ticket and headed in, I noticed a small line at the bottom of the poster: "The secret will be exposed." For the first ten minutes, I thought the secret might be that Meyers/Roach had found their groove again. The opening credits of Goldmember are perhaps the most inspired bit in any of the Austin Powers films, and features some surprisingly gracious cameos from some big name Hollywood icons. Having gone in with low expectations, I suffered a momentary lapse of reason and thought that perhaps the film wasn't going to be half bad.

I hate it when that happens.

Goldmember, a dutch hedonist who...well...who really cares? Certainly not Meyers, who has clearly become so self-impressed that he feels anything he does is funny. The resulting film is less a playful riff on the Bond films than a masturbatory hymn to all things Meyers (who now plays more roles than I cared to count). When a "shadows on a screen" gag shows up late in the film, it's less a rehash than a reminder - "Remember how funny this was last time?"

The truth is that the film's big "secret" is that Meyers/Roach are completely out of new ideas. Austin Powers in Goldmember is an even more stagnant rehash of its predecessors than the sequel was, a mind-numbing exercise in tedium that manages to plumb the depths of inanity and good taste far beyond my worst expectations. If there is any redeeming quality, it is that the film continuously convinced me it couldn't get any worse, only to prove me wrong with each successive scene, an impressive achievement indeed. There is also the presence of Beyonce Knowles, who tries like hell to bring some vitality to her role as Foxy Cleopatra and almost succeeds.

Almost.

A fourth Austin Powers film is a done deal, especially given Goldmember's record-breaking opening weekend. That thought frightens me more than death, the coming of the apocalypse, or dinner with my in-laws. If there is one ray of hope, it is that Austin Powers in Goldmember is easily the worst film I've seen this year (mind you, I haven't seen Swimfan yet), and that means there's almost nowhere to go but up.

Almost.

©2002 Ed Owens
CineScene