The Mummy Returns
by Lovell Mahan-Moutaw

Forget what you've heard, I don't care what they say, The Mummy Returns is fun at the movies and that is all it intends to be. Oh sure, some of the CGI gets a bit intrusive, and the Scorpion King at the end looks like something from "Xena, Warrior Princess," but those are minor quibbles. On the whole, the movie is just fun.

This time, our hero, Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser, romantically tough and dashing, great in Raiders of the Lost Ark-esque clothing) and heroine, Evie O'Connell (Rachel Weisz) are married and have a precocious son. It is time for the Scorpion King to arise (it has, of course, been 5,000 years). Evie is living her dream, an archeologist out in the field with a handsome husband to follow her around and point guns at things. They also drag their son with them, but since he is a prodigious genius, it matters not that they leave him in dangerous places to be fodder for bad guys and ancient curses. If they didn't, he wouldn't have half the opportunities he has to be precocious, show his genius and make jokes.

Meanwhile, Anck-Su-Namun, the late great High Priest Imhotep's lover, has been reincarnated. She intends to bring Imhotep (the Mummy from the last one, remember?) back to life, then do something with the Scorpion King's oasis and bracelet, and then command an army of very tall dogs that stand on their hind feet.

This involves the precocious son, as Evie and Rick find the bracelet and then, during one of many shows of the fact thatafter nine years they are still totally ready to jump each other's bones, precocious son (now wearing said bracelet) gets kidnapped by an angry black man of unknown origins (but he wears red and flips his cape with style and ease).

I really can't say that the story made a lick of sense to me since there was so much going on. The whole Scorpion King thing at the very beginning lost me, frankly but I think it was because I was temporarily blinded by the Scorpion King's overly white teeth.

All of our favorites are back, Oded Fehr as Ardeth, John Hannah as Evie's brother John, and Arnold Vosloo as Imhotep. I must say that with so many cute guys, the movie was bound to delight me, but it didn't rest on those laurels. The whole damn movie is action packed, with only rare breathers. There are constant fisticuffs, guns blaring, cars and buses careening, actors glaring at each other, people doing cartwheels, swords clanking and flashing, some Matrix-ian slow-mo with bodies flying, clashes of humans and horses and dogs with funny pharaoh hats. All of this is accompanied by Rick's witty one-liners, which I found terribly funny - any movie that has a man, during a flight for his life, saying with patient exasperation to his wife "Honey, what're you doing...?" works for me. It was a wild ride.

Sure, you roll your eyes, you know its fake, you've even seen some of it before (the face made of some large bit of nature chasing after the heroes), and then there is of course the almost abusive disregard the O'Connells have for their son (until he's stolen), which we are just supposed to laugh at - but that doesn't make it any less fun. Really, it doesn't. It isn't as smart, as sharp, as non-convoluted as the first one but it is still damn fun nonetheless. Really, it is. So check your belief at the door, take a deep breath, don't expect too much and grab a matinee. Trust me, it's worth it.

©2001 Lovell Mahan-Moutaw
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