SNATCH

by Lovell Mahan-Moutaw

The story, a roundabout little ditty about too many people to count (but not too many to keep track of), is the star of this very amusing film. The following is a brave attempt at synopsis.

Two boxing promoters want to put together a fight with this not-so-nice guy (a self-described horrible cunt). Got that? Meanwhile, there is a diamond heist in Antwerp and Franky Four-Fingers steals an 84 carat diamond. Don't ask why Franky has four fingers, it'll give everything away. Okay... The Russians get interested. Two pawnshop owners/thieves get recruited. The gypsies get involved. The diamond brokers get worried. The mercenary gets called. And naturally, all hell breaks loose because everyone knows that boxing promoters, horrible cunts, diamond heisters, thieves, gypsies, diamond brokers and mercenaries DO NOT MIX. And I didn't even mention the starving pigs, the vicious rottweilers and the cute little squeaky dog.

I haven't seen Guy Ritchie's second film, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (or for that matter, his first, Hard Case). I'd like to see them both now. The only thing I heard about LSa2SB (all from Americans) is that the actors are incomprehensible because their accents are so thick. In Snatch, Brad Pitt, an American, is nearly incomprehensible, as his accent is so thick. I find that amusing. To tell the truth, I found the whole movie amusing. Laugh out loud, slap your thigh, miss-a-moment-cause-you-are-leaned-forward-closing-your-eyes-clutching-your-stomach-out-of-control laughing type of amusing.

I knew the movie was about a diamond heist and had Brad Pitt and Benicio Del Toro (does anyone know what this guy really sounds like? - every time I see him in a movie he has some different, strange accent). I can tell you it is more than a diamond heist flick - it is a complex, tense and funny story presented in a very interesting way.

I love it when a movie grabs your attention the minute it starts. Run Lola Run is the perfect example of that, great first scene followed by wonderful opening credits. Actually, Snatch falters in the first scene with a voice-over delivery that is so poor it seems like amateur night. But it quickly reverses itself with wonderful, original opening credits that introduce us to the movie's characters. This high energy unusualness flows through the rest of the film.

The performances are comic, especially Pitt. He steals the show as Mickey the gypsy, as he is meant to do. He guides you to long satisfying laughs or giddy giggles, while the rest of the cast (and writing) scares you into sharp barks of laughter. I'm not complaining; Mickey's set up and delivery is just different. At first he seems like a side character but soon it becomes clear that he is the focal point of the action. Ritchie gives it all away when Mickey watches the caravan burn and the intensity of the look he is giving that caravan forewarns us that something is going to happen. Knowing didn't give away the movie though, it just made the anticipation more sweet to find out what Mickey has up his sleeve.

The two pawnshop owner/thieves Vinny (Robbie Gee), Sol (Lennie James) and their "getaway driver" Tyrone (Ade) need to have a movie all to themselves - and, of course, the dog. These guys could not catch a break, they couldn't pay for one, they couldn't steal one, they couldn't beg for one and it is (I'm sorry to say) absolutely hilarious to watch. The dog eating the squeaky toy was simply too much...I nearly bust a gut.

Alan Ford's "Brick Top" is the meanest, ugliest, most hideous bad guy I've seen in a long time. He is, as he describes himself, a horrible cunt. It is always good when film makers make the bad guys so bad that you are relieved when they get their heads blown off or lose all their money or have some other retribution showered onto them. Now that, my friends, is the true meaning of our society - violence and retribution for those who deserve it!

Unusual little scene shifts and tidbits here and there attempt to keep you from becoming bored. They succeed, but the story is so involved and brilliantly told that you couldn't get bored if you tried. Regardless of the fact that these clever little gimmicks are unnecessary with a story as well-told as this, they aren't wasted. Franky's phone conversation with Cousin Avi that cuts back to Franky in a different outfit each time...what a giggle! Not to mention the quick drink start/stop flights Cousin Avi takes from New York to London...I'm smiling just remembering them.

I needed a good laugh and bit of relaxation and this sure gave it to me. This film is entertaining but not stupid, original and a bit unusual without being over the top and the kind of movie you can watch over and over and over again, with a variety of rewinds and pauses.

Recently seen on video:

DR. T AND THE WOMEN is directed by Robert Altman and it is meant to be a comedy. I think. I don't know what's funny about this mish mash of characters. but I'll explain and maybe you can help.
Character List:

Dr T (Richard Gere): Married but wife is insane (see below), manages somehow to make us feel sorry for him even though days after he commits her, he starts banging a golf pro (see below). Life at home is - well, hell, we never seem him at home, but there is a lot going on there (see below) and even more going on at the office, where we see him a lot (see below). He loves women, he is a gynocologist ("the lucky kind" of doctor). He has cute anecdotes about how two female twins fight each other to come out but boys don't and theories about how each woman is different. (Note: uh, DUH!)

Wife (Farrah Fawcett): Insane woman mentioned above. She is insane because (get this) she is too loved. Dr. T has been too good to her; they are wealthy, he is faithful (until she goes insane), he loves her - she has nothing else to do but - well, go insane. She takes off her (gorgeous) clothes and dances naked in the fountain at the mall. She refuses sex in a childlike manner (because she has regressed to childhood). We see a picture of her playing tennis and grieve her lost sanity because, ah those days when she would play tennis (!?).

Sister-in-Law (Laura Dern): Has three children (all girls) and a drinking problem (which is supposed to be funny, I believe, but it is most certainly not). She wears comical, fashion-victim clothes a la Edwina on Absolutely Fabulous. She is attempting to hold herself together while she is getting a divorce and has moved into her sister and brother-in-law's house. Because of the absence of her sister (insanity) and brother-in-law (workaholic, sadness due to wife's insanity, general self-involvement, you pick) she is also attempting to keep two sisters together, planning and participating in her neice's wedding and dealing with other fallout because of said sister's insanity. No one seems to give a shit that she is slowly falling apart.

Girlfriend (golf pro) (Helen Hunt): Manages (becoming familiar with Hunt) to be wet in clothes often...or showering...or like. Starts fucking Dr. T pretty soon in their relationship even though she knows about the insane wife. He does make a valiant attempt to resist her charms: after they have steaks, she walks up the stairs taking off her sweater (or some age-old seduction tactic). He grabs his coat as if to make a point (because he ain't gonna leave, I mean she took off her sweater). She raises a brow. He throws down the coat and goes upstairs with her. He then finds out she is fucking someone else (OH GOD!) but he has fallen in love with her. But she never said he was the only one. We feel badly for him because she led him on.

Daughter #1 (Kate Hudson): Borderline, Edwina-"AbFab" clothing wearer, daughter getting married, flighty, Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader wannabe who also happens to be a closet lesbo. Sister (see below) is controlling and jealous and weirded out about the lesbo thing.

Daugther #2 (Tara Reid): see above...also gives tours of Kennedy death site.

Lesbian Friend (Liv Tyler): Essentially around to be pretty, wear Willow-in-Buffy-Lesbian-Chic and pout.

Office Manager (Shelley Long): Secretly in love with Dr. T and attempts to seduce him (TOO!) in the office but ends up in her skivvies with her panty hose around her ankles. It is her own idiocy, of course, after he accepts a massage (at work) from her (because he is completely unaware that she follows him around and gets in his business and is crushing BIG TIME). She manages a crazed office where women are fighting (sometimes literally) to have Dr. T do pap smears (I mean, really?).

Jesus Christ (no, he isn't a character)...who wrote this stuff? (Answer: Anne Rapp, and for Chrissake, why?)

Multiple choice:

A) Dr. T is a moron and he should be happy that he is lucky enough to be surrounded by all of these different and interesting women, and he doesn't realize how lucky he is.

B) Women are fucked up and they'll fuck you up any way they can, so avoid them at all costs (accept maybe to screw them) and this includes wives, lovers, daughters and sister-in-laws (not the screwing part with daughters...)

C) This is all tongue-in-cheek, women aren't like this, men just think they are.

Your homework:

What kind of nonsense is this? Explain.

 

CineScene, 2001