Scary Movies
by Ed Owens
What happened?
*****
The Haunting begins promisingly, but the last twenty minutes devolves
into so much CGI silliness that one can't help laughing out loud, always
a bad reaction to the end of a movie attempting to be scary. Add to this
a somewhat sloppy script, a couple of wooden performances, and shameless
wallowing in overripe sentimentality, and what you're left with is a film
that should have been much better. The film isn't a total waste - just
remember to leave around the 90 minute mark.
*****
For one thing, twigs just aren't scary, even when they're in the shape
of little people. Another problem is the main characters. They were so
annoying, I actually wanted them dead twenty minutes earlier. A plot synopsis
is pointless...walk through woods, camp, hear scary noises at night, walk
through woods, camp, hear scary noises at night, ad nauseum.
And this doesn't even begin to address the film's inherent absurdities,
like who the fuck would continue videotaping as they ran for their lives
through the woods in the dead of night? Instead of developing the mythology,
the movie trots out one horror cliche after another, even throwing in
a ridiculous "haunted house" riff that is so jarringly obvious in its
placement, it caused half of the audience to laugh at the screening I
attended.
Many are touting the film as illustrating the adage that "less is more."
In terms of substance, The Bare Witch Project isn't less, it's
nothing. There is so little narrative development that we have no referent
to be scared of. I agree that less is more, but there's at least got to
be something.
The Haunting: too much Bring back The Exorcist...or Halloween...or Alien...
Ed
p.s. one final note on TBWP...
********MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD********* ...it's not real.
There
was a time when filmmakers knew how to make scary movies. Before the self-aware
hipness of Scream and the excess gore of Dead Alive, movies
walked that fine line between too much and not enough, and provided for
some really scary experiences. The films that stick are the ones that
showed us just enough to turn our own minds in on themselves. That said,
it's somewhat ironic that the two scary movies currently fighting for
our hard-earned money fall on opposite ends of the spectrum, both missing
the mark set by their more impressive predecessors. No, not Star Wars
and Big Daddy, though their respective status as the number 1 and
9 highest grossing movies of the year is frightening in and of itself.
I'm talking about The Haunting and The Blair Witch Project.
You're
given a gorgeous box with incredible paper and a brilliant bow. The package
is like nothing you've ever seen. You savor every moment of the unwrapping
project, gingerly peeling back the tape and delicately placing aside the
outer trappings as you wait anxiously for what's inside...an old worn-out
pair of sneakers. Such is The Blair Witch Project. The mythology
that has sprung up around the film is intriguing, morbid and, yes, scary.
The film, on the other hand, is not. I hate to be the one to say it, but
this emperor has no clothes.
The Blair Witch Project: not enough