DOGMA
by Lovell Mahan-Moutaw

Religion is a taboo subject in practically any polite discussion. This is because the polite discussion can turn rather heated if one or both of the participants feels strongly. Often, it will get unpleasant and it isn't unheard of that friends will never speak to each other again.

However, I feel that religion is a taboo subject mainly because religion is tired. What can be said has been said, in many different ways. Anymore, any debate is just boring.

Personally, on the subject of religion, I lost my faith years ago, if I ever had any. I don't remember being enamored with the idea of God, although I would often ask him to help me and my teammates win our softball games (we never did). Later in life, with so much pinned on him, I wondered why anyone worshiped such a figure. Of course, this was simply my opinion based on the developing ideals of my life. I'm talking primarily about religion or the Word of God used to excuse racism, chauvinism and intolerance with a little justified death thrown in for good measure. As my life rolled along, so-and-so, by God's will, valiantly fought cancer but died anyway, AIDS became God's way of killing off homosexuals, etc. It became harder and harder to take and eventually, I lost all faith in this creature who seemed to exist for people only so they could be horrible and do heinous things.

I know, as this is religion, the faithful may be reading this and thinking I'm a heretic. I suppose I am. Do I wear that banner with pride? Not really. I'm not apathetic, it isn't that I don't care or can't be bothered, it is simply that I cannot comprehend worshiping something that teaches some pretty horrible lessons.

With that said, I guess I am predisposed to appreciate a film with the subject matter of Dogma.

Don't get me wrong, Kevin Smith isn't like me. From what I experienced of the film, he is quite devout, at least in comparison with myself, and certainly very knowledgeable about religion. However, I don't think the film was aimed at me or anyone of any particular religious or non-religious bent (although the Catholics are a particular target in the film).

The story goes like this, Bartleby and Loki are two fallen angels (Ben Affleck and Matt Damon respectively). Bartleby was a "Watcher". Loki was the "Angel of Death". He was responsible for the plagues, Sodom and Gommorah, etc. While in Heaven, Bartleby watched Loki's actions, then talked him into some compassion for the humans. Loki got shit-faced and told God he didn't feel like killing in his/her name anymore. God got ticked and banished them to Minnesota.

Bartleby and Loki get an anonymous tip which provides them with a loophole that would allow them to get to Heaven. This loophole is afforded to them by some Cardinal Glick (George Carlin) who is trying to modernize the Catholic faith (and even unveiled a winking, Fonzie-thumbs-up-bearing Jesus). Anyhoo, Bartleby and Loki could walk through a vestibule and be abolished of their sins and thus re-enter Heaven.

Yet if they do this, it would prove God wrong, and God is omnipotent, all-knowing and cannot be proved wrong, and if s/he is, then everything would cease to exist.

Thus, the Voice of God, Metatron (Alan Rickman, who I adore) finds Bethany (Linda Fiorentino), a lapsed Catholic who nevertheless goes to Church every Sunday even though she works in an abortion clinic. He talks Bethany into going on a journey to find and stop Bartleby and Loki. She will be joined by two prophets, Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith) who provide little more than comic relief and a couple pairs of hands during fights.

As our travelers hit a snag, Rufus (Chris Rock) joins the troupe with the hope that it will provide him the outlet to get known as who he is, namely the 13th Apostle. He was left out of the Bible because he is Black and he has a bit of an attitude about this.

On the way, our group runs into the Muse, Serendipity (Salma Hayek) and they are stalked by three roller-blading, hockey-stick-wielding juvenile delinquents literally from Hell, a guy with small, unaligned horns and a creature made entirely of feces. They also run into Bartleby and Loki (fresh off a killing spree of Disneyesque executives which may be a veiled indication of Smith's dislike of Disney or perhaps Hollywood or possibly Corporate America or all three) who find out our adventurers are on a quest to stop them from entering the vestibule. This pisses off Bartleby who decides that God and humans should be punished.

Then there is the story of the Seventh Zion, and Bethany has a freak attack and...

Whew.

I could go on but I don't want to tell you how it ends.

Throughout all of this is a massive dose of Kevin Smith's pretty magnificent dialogue that is more than a little comical but probably considered by many as quite blasphemous.

There is, of course, nothing new about the questions Smith asks through his characters. I will give him credit for presenting the same old tired debates in an original and entertaining way or even for taking it on at all.

It was interesting, to listen to and wonder, again, why religious dogma is, well, so damn dogmatic.

Smith starts the movie with a disclaimer. Although humorous, I was disappointed. I felt if you were going to take on the subject, you should have the courage to let it all hang out and not apologize. But upon contemplation, I feel that Smith used the disclaimer because he wanted to make the movie more accessible. It worked for me and I wished I hadn't seen it alone so I could have talked with someone about it.

As for the movie itself, the performances were fine. This is a talented set of actors, with Chris Rock and Linda Fiorentino shining through. I have, however, moved through the insane phase of thinking that Ben Affleck might not be so bad. He gives off a bit too-full-of-himself aura that is off-putting.

I like Kevin Smith and his unique talent of making what is seemingly inane conversation between characters so entertaining. Clerks was all about that, it was the Seinfeld of movies...a movie about nothing but damn funny anyway. Dogma isn't about nothing. It is about something quite important and a fiery subject it is (all those wars fought because of it, etc.).

I'll admit to finding the ending a bit hokey. Again though, upon contemplation I thought perhaps the end wasn't so much the hokey Hollywood slant, but instead an indication of Smith's kinder, gentler God, which, if that is the case, works.

So, if you don't take yourself or your faith too seriously, it may be something worthwhile. Entertaining through its comedy, thought-provoking through its dialogue, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Lovell Mahan-Moutaw