Magnolia
by Lovell Mahan-Moutaw

I like slice of life films. I like weird films. I like films with curse words. I don't mind violence or gore. I like films with meaning. I like films that you don't like when you leave the theater but you like more and more as time goes on and you get a chance to think about it a bit. I like films that make you think. I like films that aren't obvious. I like films that are written interestingly. I like films that require an actor to do something extraordinary (and no, I'm not just talking about accents or gaining 30 pounds or wearing a penis prosthesis, but those count).

But, regardless of all of the above, I didn't like Magnolia.

Let me tell you a little bit about Magnolia. First, it is written and directed by P.T. Anderson who gave us the interesting work, Boogie Nights.

Second, it has songs composed and performed by Aimee Mann who should have followed up her Til Tuesday hit "Voices Carry" with even more fantastic work, but has been largely silent (or not well-enough received to allow for general public consumption) until now. Her songs (some of which, I believe, are co-written by Fiona Apple and sound like it) for the film are breathtaking.

Third, Magnolia is a day in the life of a variety of characters. Some of these characters' lives intermingle, others do not, but even though there is no contact, there is a connection. Some of these characters are seemingly despicable but turn out to be deeply sensitive (Tom Cruise's infomercial bad boy Frank TJ Mackey). Some are seemingly wonderful and turn out to be deeply despicable (Phillip Baker Hall's quiz show host Jimmy Gator). Oftentimes, there is intense cursing (every scene with Julianne Moore's foul-mouthed Linda Partridge). Oftentimes as well, there is intense gore (the entirety of the frog scenes).

The film begins with several stories, some of which you will recognize as urban myths. It is all about the horrible coincidence of life, how bad things happen within bad things and how it may just be a little funny regardless of how horrible it is.

Then a day is set in motion and we are introduced to a bevy of characters and we wonder what horrible coincidence is going to trap them. Part of the time you are riveted (as with any scene with Tom Cruise or set of scenes that features Mann's music ) and sometimes you are bored to tears (most of the scenes with the dying Earl Partridge (Jason Robards) regardless of how Phillip Seymour Hoffman tried desperately, achingly, horribly to save them).

So, the moral to the story is...I don't get it. I don't want to spoil it for you but even if I would, I couldn't, because I don't get it. Not even a good conversation with the remarkably insightful friend with whom I went to see it made anything dawn on either of us.

But just the fact that it may have been too weird wasn't enough to make the movie as unenjoyable as I thought it was.

First, as a director, if you are going to let one of your actors curse with ridiculous frequency, make them do it with conviction, not make them sound as if they are doing it primarily for shock value. (If that was the cause of this device, it worked, as the couple behind us left after only one of Julianne Moore's fucking tirades.)

Second, if you are going to need three hours to tell a story (or a variety of them), make them interesting stories about interesting people. Or interesting stories about mundane people. Or mundane stories about interesting people. In Magnolia's case, most of the characters I didn't care about, some of them I didn't understand (and didn't want to), most of the action and drama was so frightfully introspective and slow as to cause catatonia. I don't need bang-em up, sex-em up, laugh-it-up entertainment in all of my moving-going experiences - but I need to have my attention caught and held. This didn't hold my attention. It wasn't anyone's fault, everyone seemed to try very hard (and I'm talking actors here). It was just that what they had to do was boring. Boring, boring, boring. And slow...damnably, detrimentally slow.

So, in summary, Magnolia was too long, too slow, too boring and to top that off it was incomprehensible and unconvincing. There is not a lot to be said for it. Although I'll definitely buy the soundtrack, without a doubt.

Lovell Mahan-Moutaw