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The Next Best Thing
Abbie's boyfriend Kevin leaves her. He does this because she is too complicated. Not complicated in the sense that she has too much baggage and requires too much of him physically, emotionally and spatially. Instead it is because he wants a woman he can screw and he wants a woman that won't take attention away from him at parties. Abbie is too smart and interesting for him. He wants a bimbo. Why he would admit to this, I do not know, but he does. Why she would continue to want him after he says this, I do not know, but she does. Same old story. Abbie runs to Robert. Robert is gay. Robert listens and mouths platitudes that never help in times of romantic crisis, "Anyone would be a fool to leave you," and "You are the most beautiful and interesting woman I know." Abbie is unmollified. She is having the age-old dilemma of a female living in LA - all the good ones are gay and she wants to have a baby created with someone she loves. Robert suggests a sperm shake, but no, Abbie wants a family. The fourth of July rears its ugly head and Abbie and Robert drink a bevy of margaritas by the pool and then graduate to gin martinis in the high queens' mansion. They wreck the living room with their drunken antics and end up having sex. They wake up in a tizzy, Robert says something that Abbie dislikes and she leaves in a huff wrapped up in one of the queen's furs. Robert does everything he can to make Abbie forgive him and she won't. Until she finds she is pregnant with his baby. She then comes to him, tells him, and suggests they become a family, live together and raise the child. He agrees. All of their friends tell them it will end in disaster. They ignore their friends. Abbie gives birth. The Next Best Thing, directed by John Schlesinger, and starring Madonna and Rupert Everett, becomes a somewhat compelling drama over time. It happens accidentally. The following is a tally of what makes up the movie, starting with the weaknesses: 1) The dialogue (Thomas Ropelewski) is often ludicrous. "Stay...leave...love you...hate you." Ugh. 2) The cliches are unsettling. Yes, AIDS is still an alarmingly prevalent part of the homosexual culture, but do we have to have the funeral scene where the alive lover and the mother of the dead man stare at each other with hatred over the casket? Do we have to have the gay man dispensing catty wisdom while he downs his drug cocktail? Do we have to have the silly heterosexual women sitting around eating crudite platters at some outdoor LA eatery lamenting the "loss to the other side" of the good looking gay guy? Give me a break. There is more to gay/straight relationships than this, believe me. 3) Madonna can't act unless she really, really wants to. We know there is something there from Desperately Seeking Susan and Evita, both of which she was fabulous in. In the first 45 minutes of The Next Best Thing, half of Madonna's dialogue rings false and her attempts at comedy are painful. She finds her footing in the romance and drama of the second half of the film, but I believe this is mainly because of the kid whom she obviously likes, and she becomes a secondary character to Everett's Robert. 4) The drama, centering around the breakup of this unconventional family and the argument of a gay man raising a child, has too many "I, I, I's" and "me, me, me's" interspersed in it. "I've found someone! Can't you just be happy for me?" (Abbie) "I'm a good father!" (Robert). Sam (the kid) gets lost in the mix. This is unfortunately what these battles are usually like. People do stupid things for emotional reasons. They don't listen and they yell a lot. When a kid is mixed up in this, it just gets uglier, as he doesn't understand the craziness and yelling. This was demonstrated well in the movie (and Madonna is able to act it well, which is a good thing) but it is so much about Abbie and Robert and so little about Sam that I ended up hoping that Abbie's fiancé Ben would get the boy. Ben was the only one who seemed to be thoughtful and caring enough to deserve him. 5) Illeana Douglas is underutilized yet again. The strengths: 1) Madonna's wardrobe. The House of Chloe. I wouldn't wear the clothes, but I liked watching her wear them. Stella McCartney gets on my nerves, but she creates very unusual and cool looking clothes. 2) The set decoration - I wanted to live everywhere they were. 3) The yoga was fascinating. I have been practicing yoga for a year on a very casual basis and find the art beautiful but difficult. Madonna is quite accomplished at it, and it was interesting to watch her practicing. 4) The ending debate is a good one. What makes a family? The best line in the movie came from Robert when he said, "Blood is like shit, we are full of it and it doesn't mean anything." Or something like that. He loved that child and raised him, he really did deserve to continue to be, not only a part of his life, but the boy's father. Issues about homosexuality, male nurture vs. blood nature, were debated. It could have been done better, but they didn't fumble it too much. I was paying attention and, if not riveted, found myself caring about the outcome. 5) Benjamin Bratt has, hopefully, a long career ahead of himself. Can I recommend this mish mosh of a movie? I don't know, it was very stylish but disappointing to a Madonna and Rupert Everett fan. He's certainly more talented then this movie would indicate, and she could do better. She was miscast really - Sandra Bullock would have been a more appropriate choice. The movie was interesting but not as good as it should have been. Matinee.
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Abbie
and Robert are the best of friends. They do beautiful things - she brings
out the grace and strength of people's bodies through yoga instruction;
he creates and plants entire landscapes. They live in beautiful places
- she in some delightful, hillside abode in LA, he in the pool house of
the stately manse of two high queens. They wear beautiful clothes and
they have beautiful bodies. They tell each other everything, or at least
she tells him everything.